a self-healing

Below is the inspiring story of a guy I met last week at an Abraham-Hicks meetup group. When I heard that he had freed himself of chronic pain after only a week of consciously disciplining his attention to focus upon gratitude, I asked him to write down how he did it so I could share it with you. He graciously agreed.

All of the Sudden

I woke on a Friday morning not wanting to get out of bed. For years I had been suffering with a form of arthritis called gout. This happens when uric acid levels are very high in your blood stream. I had tried several different prescription drugs at the behest of my doctor only to find the side effects were nearly as bad as the constant pain I felt in my feet. Some days I could not walk, some days I could not even get out of bed.

I focused on my illness to the point that I really did not feel anything else except the pain. A friend loaned me a copy of a movie called “The Secret” which I watched with my feet up.

All of the sudden I realized that I had many other feelings besides the pain in my feet. I had given up on all these feelings due to my overwhelming physical foot pain. [note from Karen: according to Dr. John Sarno and others, often the body generously provides us with physical pain to distract our attention from the uncomfortable emotions we are afraid of facing and feeling. Sort of like curing a headache by punching someone in the stomach .... ]

I felt stuck. So as instructed in the movie I began to examine my other feelings and soon realized that I had a lot of bad feelings about my personal life as well as my professional life.

This was a big step for me and I wanted to feel better so I began searching out what was right in my life. I found many things including my wonderful Dalmatians, my home, good friends and so many others.

Next I began being grateful for what was right in my life. It took several days of consciously checking my every thought for negativity and then when realizing I had a negative thought, consciously changing that thought to a grateful thought. [that night he explained to me that this was literally a full time job, and that at first he would have to correct his thoughts almost every 2 minutes because they would slip back into the old habit of focusing on what he did not want. Pain can be incredibly motivating!]

I noticed I felt better and my foot pain was better than it had been in a year. I continued this conscious willing of thought control for 6 days and found my foot pain gone.

Now I realize that it was stress both in my personal life and in my professional life that was causing me to lose touch with myself. The many bad feelings I had about my life were literally causing so much stress that I stopped listening to my inner self and focused on all that was wrong in my life with the idea that I was going to fix everything.

In order to do that I felt I needed to judge and manipulate all that was around me. Boy was I out of balance. It is a wonder I could stand without falling over, I was so out of balance. It seems so simple to say quit trying to control or fix things you can not control or fix. But that’s what I was doing and I probably would not have even heard these words if they were spoken to me.

It is also easy to be grateful for what you have but not so easy to always feel grateful.

You must commit to yourself.

Now after more than a week with no foot pain I have become a great believer in the human body. It was able to cure the pain when I simply de-stressed, focused on what is right in my life, and disciplined myself to stay feeling grateful.

It was The Secret that changed my life, and allowed me to see how to correct my path to the path of least resistance; to use the law of attraction to ask for what I want in life.

The only thing that is of top importance is that you feel good in all ways.

-R.E.

This stuff really does work, folks. This man is walking proof.
If he can do it, we all can.

millionaire meditation

I just read about this author Paul B. Farrell in the Sunday paper. You can download The Millionaire Meditation for free at his website, and it's great; a clear and simple guide to keeping your attention fully in the present moment - no cushion or cross-legged ohm-chanting required. he's got us all covered with ways to meditate while doing things we already do every day -- athletes, business people, parents, artists. no more excuses!

www.paulbfarrell.com

one doll at a time

The large rag doll on Tracy's lap attracted my attention immediately at the Elle women's networking coffee. As did the light radiating from her smile while she explained that she sells special rag doll kits. You make the doll and then send it back to OneDoll.com to be donated to kids in orphanages in Africa. Can you imagine a better family service project?

The website and business are still in the early stages of development, but I just had to tell you right away. Doll kits are available right now, as well as dolls made by women in Africa for a fundraiser. The photos on her site are just priceless.

www.onedoll.com

shift, the game

this is so cool! I just heard about this new board game called Shift. After rolling the dice, you move your little piece and your consciousness from fear to love by answering questions designed to encourage self-awareness. You also learn things you never knew about your companions and why they make the choices they make in their lives, all while giggling and sharing quality time together.

What could be better on a Friday evening? I'll bring the chips and salsa.

I know this is going to catch on like wildfire, and I am so excited to help spread the word about Shift that I signed up to become an affiliate, so if you click on the picture below and order, I get a piece of the action, too! (I'm all about full disclosure, y'know ...)

you first

I heard myself say something really pithy to a client this morning. As is always the case, it was exactly what I needed to hear myself. I thought you might enjoy it too.

Be the change you want to see in your child.

Yes, it is a direct rip off of Gandhi saying you must be the change you want to see in the world, but hey, it works!

So if you desperately want your child to calm down, calm yourself down first.

If you want your child to be braver while facing new situations, become brave yourself while you face the evidence of your child's fear.

Because really, aren't YOU afraid of something, and that's why you want him to be brave so much? Afraid he'll look like a coward, afraid he'll be ridiculed, afraid you blew it as a parent ... fill in the blank with whatever you are dreading.

If you were not afraid, you would not be reacting so strongly to his lack of courage in that moment. You would most likely see it differently; maybe as a temporary choice that is part of his learning curve and does not require your direct intervention. You might look for ways to support and encourage his risk taking, but you would not be pushy or guilt-tripping or shaming. Those overtones come from your own fear.

I have yet to find a situation where this turnaround does not apply. You want your kids to stop fighting with each other? Try not fighting with them about their fighting! It should be easy for you to stop -- after all, you thought they could do it after just one order from you, right?

Casts a whole different light on things, doesn't it? Puts the action step right back where it belongs, which is luckily and not coincidentally the only place where you truly have creative power. It also harnesses the tremendous parental power of teaching by example.

Change yourself first. Either it will be easy, and you will be setting an excellent example for your child, or it will be difficult, and you will develop understanding about how hard it might be for him too.

Regardless of which way it goes, it is a much stronger model of self-responsibility than trying to shame or cajole your child into changing himself so that you can feel better.

just a little food for thought ...

carnival of family life

is up and running over at http://jennifersnapshot.blogspot.com/2006/09/carnival-of-family-life.html

safety is job one

greetings!

As promised, here is the first of several articles inspired by the Back-To-School teleclass I attended with Dr. Bryan Post and Heather Forbes from Beyond Consequences Institute (BCI).

In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that I've already absorbed and integrated this material into my own internal database, so it may well be that I have diluted or contorted their message. Pop on over to their website: www.beyondconsequences.com for the purest dose of their profoundly transformational wisdom. Needless to say, I am a huge fan of their work!

***

Parents and professionals alike often operate under the mistaken assumption that misbehavior is a power play or control tactic by the child. BCI proposes a re-assessment of the roots of oppositional defiance: some children, whether due to trauma in their early life or temperamental disposition, perceive new situations as threats, and the fight or flight response kicks in.

Once that adrenaline rush occurs, the child is in survival mode, and higher functions stop; higher functions such as thinking about consequences and redirecting aggressive impulses into verbal communication. Generation upon generation of evolution (or a magnificent Creator, if you wish!) designed humans so that when we are fighting or running for our lives, all non-essential body and mind functions shut down to funnel every ounce of available energy to our muscles and heart. The thinking brain takes the back seat on this ride. Basically, the child becomes like a caged animal fighting for its life. Anything goes. He or she may appear frantic and defensive, and things can get ugly fast.

Attempting to reason with your child while her or she is deep in reaction to a perceived threat is a waste of your time and energy, and carries a large opportunity cost in that it does not foster connectedness and love between you. Remember, reasoning is a higher function, and it is not included in either fight or flight. Before your child can think at all, which includes absorbing the fact that their current behavior is not going to work well for them, they must relax. And before they can relax, they must feel safe again.

And so, Parental Job One becomes crystal clear: Create/restore safety. Which means no yelling, no accusations, and no punishment. Instead, we can reduce the stimulation level when possible, and increase their feeling of connectedness with us by deepening our listening, showing empathy, and focusing our attention on the answer to the question that can lead us both out of the danger zone: What is the underlying fear that is driving this child's behavior?

By taking these steps, we help our child to anchor themselves to our stability and protection, thus allowing them to experience the feeling of safety again. If we yell, shame, blame, or punish, we are only contributing to their feelings of fear, insecurity and danger. The time to teach alternatives to misbehavior is AFTER the child has calmed down.

It is important to know that you may or may not share your child's perception of what counts as a threat. Anything unpredictable could trigger certain children into survival mode.

To some kids, recess is a nightmare. All that freedom with so little supervision and protection! Adult equivalent: the downtown mall during Christmas season.

Transitions can be bewildering, because the line that defines the change in expectations is not always clear. Think of the differences between the rule in your home and the classroom, and between the classroom and the playground! Giving your child warnings and time to prepare in advance can help. It can take time to understand and master the distinctions and boundaries. In the meantime, it's stressful trying to keep track of it all.

The cafeteria at lunchtime can be sensory overload. I know I don't need an adult equivalent to understand that one! I can still hear the noise and feel the energy levels bouncing off those concrete block walls as if it was yesterday.

A substitute teacher might ruin the whole day, no matter how sweet and kind she is. Imagine spending months learning to please your boss and then a new one comes along with an entirely different set of requirements.

I think you get the idea. It's not a leap to grasp that kids have as much stress in their lives as we do, once we look at things from their perspective. Add to this fear and anticipation, and yikes, it's amazing they aren't acting out more often!

So to recap: kids do not misbehave in order to gain power or control. They act out after being triggered into an instinctive mode of dealing with a perceived threat: fight or flight. Their need in these situations is for protection, safety, empathy, and reassurance. Our guidance and education about how to handle future such situations will only be effective after the child has calmed down.

There is so much more to write about, but my kids will be home any minute, so that's enough for today. Stay tuned, more articles to follow ...

Warmly,
Karen

PS: I offer parenting consultations by phone and email, as well as in your home if you live near Boulder, CO. Give me a call if this sounds like just the kind of help you have been wanting ...

www.karenalonge.com
720 771 8915

crikey

just heard about the death of Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter. thought it might be timely to reprint the postcard I wrote about him a few years ago. A guy this much larger than life can never really leave us ... Rock on Steve-O!
****************
greetings!

We don't have cable or regular TV at home, but whenever we go on vacation
I like to check out the current programming on the hotel's TV. This is
how I discovered my new hero -- Steve Irwin, a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter.
This man lives and enjoys life to the absolute maximum degree.

No holds barred, he literally dives into situations that give me an
anxiety attack when I just think about them. He intentionally jumps
off boats into swamps at night and wrestles crocodiles into submission
in the black water. It's really an unbelievable sight.

Not only that, but his heart is just huge. Either that, or he's a really
convincing actor and I'm really gullible! But he seems to truly adore
his wife, and his baby daughter, and all the crocodiles he rescues.

He even calls venomous snakes and nasty lizards 'beauties', and all
indications are that he truly does see and appreciate the splendor
in creatures that most folks consider to be repulsive. (ok, who am I
kidding with that 'most folks' thing. I mean me!)

Anyhow, I actually went out and purchased my first very own DVD so
I could watch The Crocodile Hunter whenever I wanted. This is
perfect for me, because I prefer my risks to be delivered vicariously
whenever possible.

This is the same reason why my youngest brother, who has run marathons
on every continent, (yes, even Antarctica) is such a welcome guest in
our home. I love hearing about adventures while I'm safe, warm,
and dry in my living room. I'm a dedicated armchair traveler.
Bring on the slide shows!

So anyway, back to The Crocodile Hunter. In his fierce determination
to minimize harm to the crocs, he refuses to tranquilize them during
rescue and transport. Instead, about 10 big strong people jump on
the croc's back and hold it down while one of them covers its eyes.
As soon as it can't see anything, the croc can't identify a threat,
and it chills right out.

When they've transported it to safety, they uncover its eyes, and upon
spotting the water it heads right in and makes itself at home.
A few big hunks of raw meat later, all is once again right with its world.

After far too many viewings, I'm hearing faint echoes of my high school
literature teacher's voice -- "Perhaps, class, the author has intended
the crocodiles to be a metaphor for the wild and ferocious nature of
the human mind?"

Not that I would want to be literally blindfolded, but there does
seem to be a way to help my mind settle down by blocking out
certain kinds of input. Maybe, just like the crocodiles,
if my mind can't identify a threat, I won't be stressed out by it.

Now, since 99.99% of the threats in my life actually aren't,
(threats, I mean), this would come in real handy.
My life is hardly ever in actual danger. Yet my fight/flight/freeze
response gets triggered all the time.

So I'm developing yet another one of my crackpot theories:
I need 10 big strong people to volunteer to jump on top of me
and cover my eyes when I start going into one of my paranoid freak outs.
(just kidding - y'all live too far away for this to be practical.
I'd need you to live on my street and be on call 24/7 for this to work.)

What I really need is a different kind of blindfold. My friend
Drew Rozell, who is also a coach, approached this topic in a
particularly intriguing Drewsletter last year.
(here's the address if you want to read the whole article:
http://evolutioncoaching.com/drewsletterjune2002.html)

Rather, I’m asking what would happen if you made the decision
that you just no longer had problems. That the events that occur
or the things that need to get done that we’d normally approach
as problems were just events. Just life. Nothing wrong, nothing
that we need to react over, nothing that would justify putting
us in a really negative place. Just life.

Slip on those cool 'no problem' blinders, and formerly triggering
events become interesting, but not threatening. It sure beats the
worry and drama and focused attention that I usually give
to my 'problems'.

So let's try it on for size. One side of our basement floor has
sunk 2 inches during the last 6 months. Without my 'no problem'
blinders, this feels like a crisis, which requires much obsessing,
many phone calls, and a great deal of bemoaning the unlucky hand
of fate that located our house over bentonite.

With the blinders: No problem. Just call the mudjackers, get some
estimates, and hire one to fix the floor. Hmm. Simple! So far so good.

The key seems to be this: it's all about expectations.
If I expect things to be perfect -- the basement floor should
forever stay right where they put it 25 years ago -- then I'm
setting myself up for a problem when the nonnegotiable law of
entropy inevitably does its thing.

Or how about in relationship? Let's just hypothetically (?!) say
that 'someone' has gone through the first three decades of life
thinking that in a GOOD relationship, there's no conflict.
When conflict rears it's head, it's fight/flight/freeze city.
Big crisis. Must be resolved immediately. Frantic efforts
to restore agreement. Wailing and tears and gnashing of teeth.
Agony.

Now, what if I changed my expectations, and figured well, now, fer
shure somethin's bound to change 'round here sometime soon, but I reck'n
I'll be able to handle it. (it just sounds better in my head
when I say it hillbilly style, for some reason.)

Now when the floor sinks, I'm not surprised. I'm not telling myself
this wasn't supposed to happen. I'm not too busy resisting reality
to take action. I just do what needs doing.

And when a disagreement occurs, it's not a crisis. When my resources
aren't tied up telling me how wrong it is that this is happening,
and that surely this means something very ominous, I just might have
the clarity and energy to work through the conflict, or to patiently
hang out with it while it runs its course.

Just like those crocs, my alarm systems won't be triggered, because
my mind has not been able to identify the situation as a problem.
It's just life. No stress response is activated, and no struggle
against reality ensues. (hey, I wonder if when the blinders finally
come off those crocodiles, and they see the nice pool of water and
those big hunks of meat, they can hardly believe their good luck?!)

Maybe the biggest problem is the idea that there shouldn't be any
problems, and the thought that if I can just get things all perfectly
set up once and for all, they'll run smoothly forevermore.

Entropy, you say? I'll have to look that up in my son's science book.
I must have been daydreaming in physics class that day.
Or is thermodynamics taught in chemistry?

Anyway, could this be what all those bumper stickers are getting at
when they say Sh-t Happens?