ideally ...

loved this quote from Abraham-Hicks:

This is what we see as an ideal relationship: Someone who has a majority of things, that I easily feel at ease with. Things I like. Not someone who satisfies me on every single level because expansion is fun, but someone with whom I can easily be comfortable. Someone, who like me, understands that they are an expanding being, who is eager about life, and eager about expanding and willing to keep up with who they are becoming.

- Abraham-Hicks
(www.abraham-hicks.com)

me too

"I don't always know what I'm talking about but I know I'm right."

-- Muhammad Ali


I don't know about you, but I find that kind of arrogant confidence very appealing. I'm not offended by it - I think it's funny, and I'm even a little bit envious of anyone who can say it with a straight face. To me, it seems like the ultimate form of backing yourself up - no self-doubt or self-esteem issues there! no wishy washy backpedaling, no convincing others to believe you, no lame posturing. Besides, do any of us always know what we are talking about? and don't we all often think we are right anyway? at least he is forthcoming and honest about his inner process ... LOL

LOL

from a sweatshirt I saw in the Signals catalog. This is SO up my alley ...

National Sarcasm Society
Like we need your support.

your attention, please!

Greetings!

As I was reading the transcript of Larry King's show called Beyond Positive Thinking (http://www.mrfire.com/article-archives/new-articles/larry-king-spreads-the-secret-again.html) I found myself halting midstream to marvel at this simple statement by James Ray:

... Well, energy flows where attention goes. If you have a relationship, a romantic relationship, and you're grateful and you love him or her, you give them attention, right? If you have children and you love them, you give them attention. Attention equals love.

The whole What is love? question has been simmering on my mental back burner for a very long time. In my curiosity, I've gathered lots of opinions -– love is a need, love is a vibration, love is a feeling, love is a choice. Howard Jones sings, " ... maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be."

All are very interesting ... and none very practical in terms of expressing or experiencing more of it. It simply never occurred to me to link attention and love together in any meaningful way. Yet suddenly, it seems very difficult not to! Just for the sake of playing devil's advocate, I have been scanning my memory today for any instance where I expressed or received love in the absence of attention. I can't find even one.

Could this be why so many people feel somewhat slighted when their partner reciprocates their "I love you" by parroting it back in a flat tone without shifting their gaze from the television screen? Might we already intuitively know that words alone mean nothing without attention backing them up? And that even traditionally loving gestures can feel empty if they spring from habit or autopilot rather than conscious intention in the moment?

I generated some variations on the theme to see which felt most deeply satisfying and practically useful to me. Here's what I came up with:

Attention expresses love.
Attention demonstrates love.
Attention distributes love.
Attention engages love.
Attention is love in action.
Attention is love in 3D.
Attention is proportional to love.

I have no idea if any of these are really true. Heck, I don't know if anything is true! But I thought it might make for an interesting experiment: if I conceptualize my attention as the currency I use to express my love, will I find myself spending and investing it differently?

I notice that attention comes in lots of packages – it doesn't necessarily require my physical presence. My attention is in the birthday card I picked out, the flowers I had delivered, and the email I sent. It's even in the thought I just had of you, which made me smile.

And when we ARE together, maybe the most satisfying expression of love for both of us would be to give each other our full attention. I'm predicting that a little dose of conscious and loving attention feels much better and lasts a lot longer than rote communication driven by habit or expectation.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts or experiences on this topic, if you feel inclined to share ...

warmly,
karen
www.karenalonge.com

easing off ...

Man oh man, do we parents ever put ourselves in a pressure cooker these days! So many of us think we have to teach our kids important life lessons or .... well, I dunno ... or what?

They'll still be sucking their thumbs in college?

They'll become sociopaths or recluses or criminals?

They'll never get jobs or move away from home?

What is it that we are so afraid of? Why do we place such importance on imparting our wisdom to our children? Sometimes in our frantic state, we do even more than impart ... we impose! We insist that the way that works for us is the ONLY way, and we take extreme measures to make sure our kids board our truth train, even if we must pay a price in our own hearts in order to force them.

I wanted to share an excerpt from an email I wrote recently with you. I hope it still makes sense out of context ... the statements I am responding to are inside asterisks:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.. that's why I love this statement from Abraham-Hicks: You never get it right and you never get it done.

sort of like dancing - dancers aren't moving around in search of the ultimate pose. they don't find just the right position and then FREEZE there! the beauty is in the motion. the JOY is in the motion. the satisfaction is in creative expression of the moment, just as it is, and then moving on to the next.

so you don't like where you are? great!! maybe life loves you too much to let you freeze in one position - be it mental, physical, or emotional. maybe your discomfort is simply an invitation to motion. once you get the message, you can turn your thoughts to what you might like to try next. and I don't mean that you have to make any kind of dramatic physical change, like leave your husband or job. it could be a mental change or an emotional change or a new idea that you try on for a while and see how it feels.


*I believe with conviction that one reason my son fights with depression and anxiety is because I do. Somehow I taught him this. It makes me feel very bad.*

may I be so bold as to bring an idea over to your fitting room for you to try on and see how it feels?

maybe it's not all your fault honey. maybe your son has his own life plan mapped out, and he is gathering exactly the beliefs and experiences he wants to take with him on his journey. could it be as true or truer that your own struggle with anxiety and depression simply causes you to perceive his experience as one of fighting anxiety and depression? and that someone with different life experiences and filters than you have might look at his life and just call it ... Life?

*But maybe if I can learn to do a better job at self love it will teach him.*

oh wow, good luck with that! that's more pressure than I could ever withstand - I have to get it right before my kid can? makes me feel sorry for my kid, cause chances are that ain't gonna happen in time for him. LOL. if he's waiting for me to figure it out so I can teach him, it might be a long wait! he might have to take care of his own self-love without my example.

I took a terrific workshop this weekend on financial beliefs. I was telling my 16 yr old son about it, and he just laughed, and said 'Mom, what's the problem with money? When I need some, it's there, and when I don't need it, it isn't there!'

And he's right! It IS that way for him. Thank goodness he is not limited to only believing what I believe or can teach!

my kids are not mini-me's. they have their own journeys, expectations, desires, limitations, and blessings. I could and will spend my entire lifetime just getting to know my own journey, expectations, desires, limitations, and blessings - I don't have the time or energy to get to know theirs too! much less try to intervene or manage their life for them.

If my only job was to take care of my own state of mind, I would be busy all day every day. how could I possibly begin to know what is ultimately best for my kids? I am still working on listening to my own inner guidance about what is best for ME!

thank goodness they can do that for themselves. they have their own inner guidance, and as far as I can tell, they are much more in touch with it at their ages than I am at my age right now.

I hope you receive this in the giggly spirit in which I sent it: You are not that important in your son's life! He's working on his own plan. You are just hanging out with him to feed him and shelter him and stuff like that until he can do it for himself.

So don't worry, you cannot hold him back. He's not looking to you to set his pace or direction. He doesn't expect that from you! It's okay to let him work this stuff out while you work your own out.

and by 'your own stuff', I mean simply soothing yourself back into feeling like it's all gonna be okay, and making peace with the motion that is the dance of life. You never get it done and you never get it right, and that's the whole fun of it!

with the next beat of the music, you can move differently if you want. or not. you don't need to worry about taking a wrong step when you remember that there's another step right after that which presents another opportunity to move in a different direction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've recently completed some big changes to my website. If you haven't visited for a while, I'd love for you to stop on by and check it out!
www.karenalonge.com

quantum wealth

I'm back, but I hardly recognize myself after a fascinating immersion in Steven Sashen's Quantum Wealth workshop. (www.quantumwealth.com)

No get-rich-quick schemes here - I spent the entire weekend unpacking my mental beliefs about money and its acquisition, and then examining them one-by-one to see if they were actually true, and if they were helping or hurting my financial life.

a whopping big belief that has been cruising along on autopilot my entire life: I need to be perfectly good, right, and kind in order to deserve/earn enough money. Nice ideals for sure. Perhaps a tad bit lofty for a human?

Achieving perfection is pretty unlikely - although it sure won't be for lack of trying in my case. I doubt Donald Trump sits around at night confirming that he did the right thing in every moment and can therefore justify receiving his daily income!

now don't get nervous ... I'm not suddenly going to fly off the deep end and turn to a life of immorality and crime. I'll just ease up on myself a little bit ... relax my standards so that I can justify earning a decent income even if I occasionally fall short of emanating perfectly unconditional acceptance or love. (sheesh, I really am a nut, aren't I? IF? LOL)

and I have once again realized the absurdity of thinking I can even define good, right or kind. I say 'again' because I have known this in my head for quite some time. Now it seems to have sunk in to a deeper layer of my being.

so it will be very interesting to see what happens from here. this seems to be the culmination of an intense period of insight into my own mind. a few weeks ago my biggie was that it is hard for me to say no to someone I perceive to be in need. (irony:- this is not actually being helpful if saying yes to them mean saying no to myself.) got that one cleared up, thank goodness. and now this. I'm kind of excited to see what might be next!

demotivators

If you liked the movie Office Space, you'll love this hilarious and refreshing spin on those motivational wall posters with the big photographs, check this out:

http://despair.com/viewall.html

I laughed unti I cried ...