The Present Hidden in The Secret

Everyone's talking about the movie The Secret (www.thesecret.tv) and the Law of Attraction these days. Oprah Herself even devoted two shows to it recently! As a person who has always been very interested in helping others to change their lives, I'm thrilled to see such positive and powerful concepts floating down the main stream.

I know many of my readers are already quite familiar with the Law of Attraction. If you are one of them, feel free to skip the italicized paragraphs, which are a brief synopsis of the principles. Mosey on down below them, where I will offer my two cents on the subject.

Here's a little bit of the summary of Oprah's show about The Secret from her website. You can read the entire summary at http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/slide/20070208/ss_20070208_284_101.jhtmlJack

[Canfield] says that everything in the world is made up of energy, which is controlled by thoughts and feelings. According to Jack, thoughts can travel long distances, so you are sending out signals to many people without even knowing it, and these signals attract like energy to you.

Jack and James [Ray] say that this means there is no such thing as a coincidence. "Everything happens by principles and laws in our universe. And so consequently, we have an absolutely unlimited power within us," James says.

Michael [Beckwith] says that thoughts—which turn into experience, speech and behavior—become the "feeling tone of your life." "An individual can actually begin to generate a certain feeling of gratitude, of love, of peace and of harmony, and the universe will begin to match that feeling tone—and what will flow into your life will match the feeling that you're holding," he says. "It means that everyone…can release themselves from being a victim and begin to take control of their life's destiny."

Okay, now here's my two cents:

Many people, when they first hear of The Secret, think it is a handy tool for getting what they want in the future.

They are excited to hear that if they just:

1) Focus on what they want instead of what they don't want
2) Find things to be grateful for where they are right now, and
3) Keep open to nudges from the universe to take inspired action,

then life will deliver their heart's desires to their door.

And I've seen it happen exactly that way -- many times -- which is very cool!

But I wonder sometimes if we might be missing the forest for the trees when we look to the future. For me, the benefit of The Secret is that it improves my world RIGHT NOW.

It's much more fun to ponder what I want and why, rather than obsess about what I think I will never have and why.

Gratitude is much lighter than the heavy burden of blame or victimization.

Inspired action feels like play, whereas doing what I think I should requires discipline and hard work.

I don't have to wait until later to reap what I sow.
I reap most of it while I am sowing it.

So if I happen to die in a freak accident in the next five minutes, before the universe can complete its delivery of all that good stuff I have attracted, that's just fine with me. Because the real benefit of focusing my thoughts on gratitude and joyful expectation is that when my mind is occupied in this endeavor, I feel happy with myself and my life.

And since any moment could be my last, and whether I am dead or alive my experience of each moment will never come again, it makes sense to me to spend as much of my precious time as possible feeling peaceful and joyful.

So to me, the future stuff is a fringe benefit. It's cool to know that when I feel at peace, I am inspired to act and speak with kindness and compassion, and my deeds may create ripples of sweetness that expand out into the world around me. I like making the world a better place. And I like getting the material stuff I want as much as the next guy.

But even better, I like knowing that simply by shifting my attention, I can change the quality of my inner experience at any time, under any circumstances.


copyright 2007 karen alonge

www.karenalonge.com


I offer individual consultations by phone and email to help you consciously harness the Law of Attraction to improve your relationships, parenting, career, and personal development. Contact me to schedule a free 15 minute conversation ... karen@karenalonge.com

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fathers and sons

Thought you might enjoy reading this summary of a telephone parenting consultation I did for a divorced dad who was angry, bewildered, and upset that his six year old son was having physical symptoms of anxiety.

Although my advice was specific to this father/son dyad, I thought some of it might be relevant for other fathers too. As always, please take only what seems helpful to you and disregard the rest. Each parent must decide for themselves what approach will be most appropriate for their unique family situation.

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Your son might prefer to communicate with you while doing a physical activity side by side rather than just sitting across the table while you ask him questions. Try inviting him to shoot hoops or play a video game when there is something you want to discuss with him. You might be amazed at how much longer he will talk with you while his body is otherwise engaged.

Pay attention to which activities seem relaxing and fun for both of you – and plan to do more of that together. Expand upon what is already working well.

What many boys want more than anything from their dad is approval. He hopes you see him as strong and capable and smart. You are his hero, so he takes your opinion of him very seriously. Don't take that responsibility lightly. Notice and comment on his strengths at every opportunity.

Decide carefully what messages you give him now, because your voice is so important to him that he will carry it in his head forever. One day, he will share it with his own son.

When he gets anxious, the best thing you can do for him is to keep yourself calm. If you start to feel upset, or an internal pressure to make him stop feeling anxious, take a few deep breaths or a drink of water or a bathroom break to settle yourself down before you try to be there for him. When you show him that you can calm yourself down at will, you are setting a very powerful example for him.

After you are calm, then just be there with him. You don't have to fix the source of his anxiety - sometimes he won't even know what triggered it. Just be there with him, sort of like a big strong calm rock in a stormy sea.

Being strong and calm yourself shows him that you are not worried about him, that you trust that his anxiety will pass, and that you are not going to leave him all alone to cope with it. It also makes it easier for you to listen to his feelings without judgment if he wants to talk about them.

And as you mentioned, your anger at his mom could easily pollute your relationship with him if you let it. So find some other way to deal with your thoughts about her. Challenge yourself to never speak negatively of her when you are with your son. She has no power over your relationship with him - that's all up to you. Be the best dad you can be, and leave her out of that equation.


copyright 2007 karen alonge
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http://www.karenalonge.com/

Sometimes, big changes can happen when we hear just the right advice in just the right context. I agree wholeheartedly with Hazel Hawke's statement:

A mixture of empathy and brainstorming can move mountains.

If you know any parents who are tired of struggling with their kids or would just like to learn an easier way, send 'em my way for a free 15 minute telephone conversation to sample my work. Consultations take place by phone and email, as well as face to face for parents living near Boulder, CO. karen@karenalonge.com

Strongest Dad in the World

this article came in a newsletter today.
I cried when I read it.
I'm such a sap...


Strongest Dad in the World


I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I'm lousy.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars -- all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S.on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much -- except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at TuftsUniversity and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Bostonthe following year.
Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 -- only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston , and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland , Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

"The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

By Rick Reilly
for Sports Illustrated Issue date: June 20, 2005, p. 88

self defense

As a parent, it is important to me that I prepare my kids to navigate safely through the real world. Teaching traffic safety rules was easy, but I had no idea how to empower my teenage daughter to protect herself from unwanted attention or contact.

So I was thrilled when I met Monica Hall from www.active1selfdefense.com at a women's networking meeting. This weekend, my daughter and I completed her self defense training with a group of mothers and their teenage daughters.

Over the course of just two short hours, each of us experienced profound transformation in our awareness, body language, confidence, and assertiveness. The training took us far beyond intellectual understanding -- it actually rewired our bodily response to fear.

No more freezing like a deer in the headlights while we hope the verbal or physical intimidation will stop! Now we know how to use our powerful voices to back someone off, and we can follow through with physical measures if necessary.

Words cannot express the satisfaction and delight in my heart as I watched my petite 13 year old daughter physically take down a massive padded attacker! Hearing the power and clarity in her voice as she yelled at him to BACK OFF!!! was music to my ears. This training is absolutely priceless.

I strongly encourage every mother to take this training with your daughter. It may literally save her life.

If you live in Colorado, you can reach Monica at www.active1selfdefense.com. If you live elsewhere, Monica may have some suggestions regarding who to contact in your area.

overkill

Hi, my name is Karen, and I'm addicted to Scrubs on DVD.

Last night while watching disc 1 of season 2, I heard the coolest version of Overkill by the guy from Men at Work. I loved that song when I was in high school.

my kids have me hooked on YouTube, so I found the clip today and have been reveling in it. see it here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RZ45xrtNnzk

The Secret and the Law of Attraction

so everyone's talking about the movie The Secret since it was on Oprah last week. This week I hosted a teleconference to talk about the principles of the Law of Attraction. If you would like to hear the call for free, you can download a recording of it here: http://www.karenalonge.com/downloads.html

I also announced that I will be facilitating an eight week Law of Attraction study group soon. We'll meet for an hour one evening each week by teleconference. The $99 tuition includes a study guide, notes, and an hour of chat room time each week.
details here: http://www.karenalonge.com/classes.html

at the home and garden show

I don't know why, but this struck me as so darn funny I almost fell over.

Lots of booths had samples out to taste, but I was pretty grossed out by the masses of humanity all dipping their pretzels into the same container of cheese or whatever it was.

and even signs like this did not convince me to dive in!!

incidentally, 16 years ago I was pregnant with my son and went into labor at the home and garden show. yesterday I saw about a million pregnant women. hopefully they all made it home before delivery like I did ...

Vision Board for your Computer!!

now THIS is very cool, and I just heard about it earlier today -- a software download that allows you to create virtual vision boards on your computer, complete with affirmations, to be displayed at a click and also as your screen saver! best of all, you can change or fine tune it whenever you want.

it's a whole different kind of cutting and pasting - no glue or paper scraps! It costs about $30, which to me is a steal considering the flexibility and ease of access. I can't wait to start creating mine ...

update: I HAVE created mine - the first of many! It has so many uses - I'm thinking I could make one for every mood on the emotional scale, to take me from where I am to one step higher. wheeee, this is fun!!!

http://www.visualizeyourgoals.com/cgi-bin/t.cgi?a=436399

drivin'

three cheers for my friend drew who posted this cool video and lyrics to one of my favorite songs on his blog. check this out ... if you happen to be next to me in traffic when this song comes on the radio you'll see me singing along with great enthusiasm. :)

http://www.drewrozell.com/53/law-of-attraction-music-incubus-drive

parental alienation

A few words about my current perspective on parental alienation:

In my opinion, the best defense is to stand proud and tall in who you are, and trust your child to see the truth for herself. My kids were 3 and 6 when we got divorced. It's scary when they are young and you know their other parent is telling them lies about you.

My strategy to counter this was to stay cool and calm when they reported the lies to me, and to acknowledge that their dad has a right to his opinion about me. I then shared that I saw myself very differently. I would ask them to be honest with me about how THEY saw me, and would make it completely safe for them to tell me the truth. And then we would take steps together to mitigate whatever issues they were having with me.

I went about my life very transparently, SHOWING them who I am, as opposed to telling them, never arguing against their dad's opinion of me. I adopted the attitude of, 'Oh my, that's a tough one. I know you love both daddy and me, and I bet it's hard for you to hear him say things that are so different from what you feel is true about me. Is there anything you want to ask me about?'

I kept my focus on loving them and providing a safe place where they could unpack and examine all the stories he told them without fear that I would get angry. (at him OR them)

With each conversation, they became more and more comfortable with the concept that their dad's opinion was a lot different from theirs. Eventually their BS detectors became fully operational. The noisier and more frantic he became while trying to convince them to accept his opinions as the truth, the more my note of congruent self-acceptance rang clear. They still loved him, but they no longer believed his reports about me. Every time he tried to take me down, his credibility with them dropped a notch. They simply knew better.

Ironically, his attempts to 'dis' me actually acted as the catalyst for the conversations that forged the impenetrable bond I have with my kids today. They are now 16 and 13, and boy do they ever know who I am ... the whole messy, earnest, authentic complexity of me! And I know who they are as well. Our relationship is built on a solid base of honesty, transparency, and acceptance.

My advice to parents who fear that their ex has the power to alienate their child from them: Don't get so lost in anger, defense, or counter attack that you forget to show your child who you really are in every possible moment. Funnel your energy into being the best parent you can be when your child is with you. Let the truth of who you are ring clear, and don't allow anger, defensiveness, or revenge to pollute your relationship with your child.

The parent who is attempting alienation can never succeed if you remain steadfast in your love and acceptance of your child and yourself.

copyright 2007 karen alonge

ps: I'm a parenting consultant and intuitive counselor, and one of my areas of expertise is parents who are sharing joint custody with an uncooperative ex. Small changes made by only one parent can have a huge impact on the entire family dynamic! My consultations take place by phone and email, and I offer a free 15 minute telephone conversation to see if my style and approach feels like a good fit.
www.karenalonge.com



ppss: My friend, Lora de la Cruz, has created a colorful children's book based upon Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws. Seven Stories to Live By teaches timeless values -- living in truth, making courageous choices, and believing in ourselves and others. Every parent who reads my copy wants one of their own! If you order soon at sevenstoriestoliveby.com, she'll include a free parenting activity plan that complements the book.

hilarious croc hunter video

I'm a huge Steve Irwin fan, and I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants. hadn't seen this side of him before ...

http://www.youtube.com/v/pa_7P5AbUww