feelings ... nothing more than feelings

In my previous post I wrote about the big crying jag I had the day my son left for the Coast Guard. Even as I was sobbing I was thinking to myself, "Gee, this is strangely overreactive." Then, as quick as it started, it left, and the same thoughts and songs and memories that had me choking back the tears moments earlier became just sort of ... well ... uninteresting.

So here's what I am wondering. What the heck ARE feelings, anyway? I used to think they were messages or indicators or at the very least, Important. Now, I'm not sure they matter at all. They seem to change whether I feel them fully or try to distract myself from them, talk about them or don't, dig underneath them or leave 'em alone.

Maybe feelings are no more personal than the weather. If it's rainy, we carry an umbrella and know it will eventually stop. If we're teary, we can stock up on kleenex and know that we, too, will eventually dry up.

I don't think I learned anything, grew in any way, or became a better person from the experience. I just cried. Until I stopped, and then I did something else. So what?

Here in Colorado where I live, we have a saying: If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes. It will change.

Don't like the feeling? No worries. It won't be around for long. If I can just buy myself some time so I don't have to act or make a major decision during the peak of intensity, no harm will come of it. No reason to feel bad about feeling bad.

What's ironic is that the more I realize this is true, the more I start to sort of enjoy ALL my feelings. They are so freakin' temporary ... like partners in a circle dance. I may as well have fun with them before they move along.