more about healing

a recent daily quote from www.abraham-hicks.com:

True healers know that wellness is the order of the day, so they do not allow themselves, even for a moment, to see anything other than that. So, the power of the healer is in the power to influence the one who needs to be healed into a vibration that allows the healing that they are summoning. (that they could get, even without the healer, but they can get faster with a healer's influence)

Excerpted from a workshop in San Francisco, CA on Saturday, July 30th, 2005

I'm not under the delusion that I'm any kind of "true healer." But I've noticed that often people seem to feel much better after our sessions, and I've been a little puzzled by this because I haven't really DONE anything. And I myself feel much better after a conversation with a friend, even though nothing in my actual circumstances has changed yet.

Maybe healing is actually a tuning fork effect, rather than some magical combination of words or techniques. Maybe when we connect with someone who is not as worried about our problems as we are, our own concerns relax, sort of like when all the pendulums in a room full of grandfather clocks eventually synchronize. And once we are relaxed, our narrow focus on the problem naturally softens, so that our inner peripheral vision can notice the solutions around us that have been there all along.

This could explain why I've felt so called lately to stretch and breathe and settle myself into a quieter inner space before meeting with clients, rather than preparing mentally by reviewing the details of their situations, as I used to do. Instead of filling my mind with information, I've been wanting to empty it all out and just meet them in the moment with love.

I wouldn't say I've progressed to the state of 'not allowing myself, even for a moment, to see anything other than wellness.' That sounds like it would involve effort, and I'm too lazy for that. It just seems to be happening naturally more and more that while people are talking about their problems, I feel like they have already been solved at some level and they are well on the way to catching up with their own solutions.

So I dunno, and I may never know, what's really at the bottom of this whole healing thing. But I think I would like it very much if whatever it is percolates into my own self talk, too. It would be neat to consistently feel my own solutions surrounding me already. We'll see.

perception

today's daily quote from alan cohen:

Perception is a mirror, not a fact.

-- A Course in Miracles

I've been feeling keenly aware of this in the past few days. Most of what has been solid in my life is currently in transition, and there are lots of opportunities for me to tell myself stories about the meaning of various circumstances and events.

For example: I posted my profile on match and not one man contacted me in the first 24 hours. Stories? Oh yeah, I got 'em. I'm too old, I'm not attractive enough, no one will ever want me again, this is a mistake, I should just cancel and resign myself to being single, yadda yadda yadda.

And maybe one of those stories happens to be the truth, but it would only be by coincidence if it was, and only time will tell anyway. What I know in this moment is that when I tell myself those stories, and I believe them as if they were facts, it hurts. And my feelings are pretty raw already, so who needs that?

So I am faced with a choice this morning. Hide my profile and go back into my little shell where I can't feel anyone 'rejecting' me, or question my perceptions. Yeah, maybe I am too old for this. And so what? Then no one will contact me, and so be it.

Or maybe it's closer to the truth that I am just not ready yet. Or maybe the man who will be my next love is on vacation this week. You get the idea. There's an infinite variety of stories I could tell -- no need to fixate my mind on only the painful ones.

I haven't yet decided what to do about this. In fact, right now, I am stubbornly declaring my refusal to decide. When and if I feel the impulse to hide my profile, I will, and I will decide in the moment, not ahead of time.

And in the meantime, this a stellar opportunity to look in the mirror and notice what I think about myself when I don't have the input of someone else's love and appreciation, and the distraction of loving and appreciating someone else. I might have forgetten how to do those things for myself. Now is the perfect time to brush up on my skills. (LOL - whenever I type the word "skills" I hear it in the voice of Napoleon Dynamite. makes it kinda hard to take myself seriously.)

postscript, six hours later:
I cancelled my membership. But not because of the reasons I talked about earlier in this post. I'm definitely NOT going back into my shell. I had lunch with a dear friend who reminded me of one of my favorite mottos: if it's not fun, don't do it! Last time I was on match, I loved being there. Since I don't feel that way this time, the message is clear: get me outta here! I'm off to find something more interesting to do. I'm thinking salsa dancing sounds like fun ...

post postscript, the next morning:
Well, since my membership won't die until mid Feb, Kevin encouraged me to just play around with it by unhiding myself again and experimenting with different pictures, captions, profile texts, etc. to see what kind of response they get. He knows I can't resist a good experiment! And it sounded like fun. So off I went to unhide myself and change my heading to "I sing in the car", and within an hour, two people contacted me. So my motto If it's not fun, don't do it seems to be serving me well! And if it becomes not fun again, I'll either hide my profile and take a break, or change it until it feels like play again. Or not! My friend and I got a good laugh out of this sentence that popped out of my mouth a few weeks ago: "I am free to violate my own principles any time I feel like it! I just made them up anyway ..."

love lets go

this will be one of those real sentimental posts, so if that makes you kinda sqeamish, you might want to come back another day. besides being mushy, it's also pretty radical, and sort of violates the usual social norms.

I guess I might as well just jump right in ...

a couple years ago I wrote a blog entry about meeting a wonderful man, and we have been involved in a lovely relationship since then. last week, our many gentle conversations over the past few years about whether we were compatible enough to consider marriage culminated in a mutual acknowledgment that our time together as a couple had come to a natural end. We immediately began the process of gracefully and lovingly parting ways.

here's my little theory on this: when most of what you have in common is simply that you love each other, it's not enough to sustain a lifelong partnership. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry nailed it: Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction.

Of course, we had more in common than loving each other, or we wouldn't have lasted as long as we did. But we'd noticed that over time we were spending more and more time away from each other doing other things, and that when we would come back together, we weren't all that interested in hearing what the other had been up to. For some couples, that's not a problem. For us, it just was.

So love, in our case, right this moment, means that we release each other with open hearts to our futures. It means I help him search for an apartment, and we do not argue about what he takes with him when he moves out.

It means that our bodies still touch when we are sitting next to each other - even as we work together on my match.com profile. It means that we cherish our time together, savoring the last precious days of each other's company.

And it means that he is, at this very moment, downstairs having a lively phone conversation with a woman I introduced him to. A woman I thought might be a better match for him than I am.

I am immeasureably grateful for the gift of the time we shared together. I will always love him. And for me, love means wanting him to enjoy a satisfying and fulfilling life, even if I am not the one he lives it with. Strange? Definitely. But also beautiful. Peaceful. And very deeply satisfying.

morning pages

okay, I'm converted! since I started writing three pages every morning when I wake up, I've been remembering dreams like crazy. And as I write them down, I almost always get one of those ah-ha experiences where it feels like one part of me sent a message to another part, and it was received. Very cool.

Perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not, I'm noticing that since I started journaling every day, my attention has been gravitating toward physical matters. I've been eating more fruits and vegetables and taking walks every day since I started, without even trying. That's a bonus I did not anticipate ... seems that when my mind is freed up from obsessive thinking, it wants to use the extra time and attention to care for my body.

I started Pilates this week, and I love it! I highly recommend my instructor, Desiree, at the Pilates Center in Boulder. I was pretty nervous about it, and she was amazingly reassuring and supportive as she competently led me through the exercises. I left that first session feeling stronger already, and aware of muscles I didn't know I had (in a good way). Read more about her here: http://www.thepilatescenter.com/about/instructors.cfm?insid=6

convincing

this daily quote from alancohen.com really struck a chord with me:

If you know something is true, you don't need to convince anyone of it. If you are trying to convince anyone, it is probably yourself. -- Alan Cohen

today's abraham quote

Be easy about this. Be playful about it. Don't work so hard at it. Let your dominant intent to be to feel good, and if you don't feel good, then let your dominant intent be to feel relief. Feel your way through it. If you think your way through it, you can get off on all kinds of tangents. If you feel your way through it, you can come quickly to your Core Energy, and when you do that only good can then flow to you.

Excerpted from a workshop in Rye, NY on Sunday, October 12th, 1997

All Is Well

www.abraham-hicks.com

psycho valentine candy hearts

this made me laugh until my stomach hurt ...
http://www.despair.com/bittersweets.html

safety nets

Had lunch with a friend today, and we got to talking about that saying, "Leap, and the net will appear." I had been telling her that I was entering some unknown territory in my life, and she said she admired my courage in making the jump before I saw the net. "Not true!" I crowed, "I suck at blind leaps of faith. "

No trust falls for this girl. Instead, I wait to jump until AFTER I see the net. What I lack in trust I can always compensate for in patience.

Here's a glimpse of my self-talk: Okay, this is a big step. I might not make the other side in one jump, and I can't afford to smash on the pavement down there. Allrighty then, if this is truly my next step, then that safety net should be coming into view any second now. I'm ready --as soon as I see it I'll make my move. Bring it on.

She was delighted at this thought. Many of us have fallen prey to the new-agey idea that it's weak or unevolved to be afraid to jump. I'm sure you've heard it -- Do what you love and the money will follow! Just do it! Go ahead, quit that job!

To that, I say, "Bull puckey." I'm afraid to blindly risk it all. So what? Is it really too hard of a job for the Grand Universal Poo-Bah to produce a little safety net first? To say it another way for you Secret fans, what's wrong with manifesting a net before I jump? Heck, maybe even a bridge! There is no order of difficulty in miracles ... and it's no more noble to jump, be pushed, swing, or crawl my way over.

I find that when I treat myself gently; allowing myself to delay the leap until my heart stops pounding enough for me to hear the quiet voice within it, it almost always says, "Hey, honey, it's okay. Take your time. I'm right here for you, and we'll go across together when you are ready."

Not as much adrenaline in that, but that's just fine by me. I like the idea of enjoying where I start from, enjoying the journey, and enjoying the destination. For me, a nice little net makes that possible.